The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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