We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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