With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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