He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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