Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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