bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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