take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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