I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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