i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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