Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
