You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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