I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
