there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
