we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
