I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize