Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
