i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
