Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
