I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the raccoons are back...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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