Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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