i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
