But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
