Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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