Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just found out that she named her cat after me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
