According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
