Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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