Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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