Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
