dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How external is "for external use only"?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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