so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize