Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
