what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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