I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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