I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
