I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize