If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
