I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
