meet me or not, i'm out of control
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
