My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
