As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
