He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
