please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
