My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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