i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
