Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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