happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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