I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
