Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
