RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
