And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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