Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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