so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
