Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize