She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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