Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are the jesus of drinking
i now understand why vodka
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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