Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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