drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
