How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
