hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize