you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
