dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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