Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
