I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize