Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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