I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You took a bar mat shot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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