Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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