Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
