We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize