hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ambylanc
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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