just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
