one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
