he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
