It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
