Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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