You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
