Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it because I queefed?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
