Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
