then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
