I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
