i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
