didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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