I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
