you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
