His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
