I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
