I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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