So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
