I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
