we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
