i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
