When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
