Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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