It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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