So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
