so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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