i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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