do herpes really smell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
