So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
