why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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