I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
