i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
